Hello lovelies! I know it had been a while since we last spoke (well not ‘spoke’ but you know what I mean)
So, a while ago I was thinking (I know, THE HORROR, don’t worry, I’ll try not to hurt my head by trying to be smart and philosophical and whatnot 😭), and I started thinking about people I used to be close with. Old friends. Old connections. The kind of people who used to feel permanent. And then I got hit by a sudden realization (like, you don’t understand, I was hit so hard that I am now speaking from the moon).
I realized that a lot of the time, we don’t actually miss people.
We miss what they gave us.
That probably doesn’t make sense yet, so let me explain.
Ok so let’s say that I broke up with my best friend, yeah? (Ok I’m just gonna speak from my POV, because that’s easier for me to explain with). So, there I am, just doing normal wallowing in sadness stuff, you know? Sitting on the couch in my pajamas and finishing off a whole tub of chocolate ice cream while I binge watch Stranger Things. Normal post breakup (even if it’s a friendship break up) things.
But then comes the hard part. Memories. Maybe I remember the many times me and my ex-bestie yapped till 3 o’clock in the morning because she made me laugh so much that I lost track of time. Maybe I remember that how she always made me feel better when I was having a bad day. I remember feeling understood. Safe. Chosen.
Now let’s look a little deeper. So, notice how in all these memories, I’m the focus.
I was happy.
I felt better.
I felt seen.
And maybe that’s normal. Maybe that’s just how memories work. But maybe—just maybe, hear me out here—I’m not missing her. I’m missing how she made me feel. Or maybe I miss the version of me I was with her.
The me who laughed more easily.
The me who felt less alone.
The me who had someone to text at 3 a.m. without thinking twice.
And that’s a weird thing to sit with, because it blurs the line between love and utility. Between connection and emotional comfort. It makes you ask uncomfortable questions, like:
Did I miss them… or did I miss who I was with them?
This doesn’t mean those people didn’t matter. It doesn’t mean the connection was ‘fake’. It just means that when someone leaves, they don’t just take themselves with them—they take a piece of…well, you.
And maybe that’s why moving on feels so hard.
Because you’re not just grieving a person.
You’re grieving a version of yourself that no longer exists.
And maybe that’s the part we avoid admitting.
That if you strip away the memories, the laughter, the late-night conversations—what you’re left missing isn’t a person at all.
It’s a feeling.
Which makes you wonder:
Were you grieving their absence…
or the fact that you don’t know how to feel that way on your own anymore?
Now that’s my tidbit of wisdom for today! Just something to think about! Now I might just be looking for something that isn’t really there. I’m probably just overthinking it. But it’s what I think! (Also I just thought, this was a really deep post, right? Soooo maybe I should make this a whole series or something!? it could be like “A Little Tidbit of Wisdom” or something?!)
XOXO
Aaradhyaa
Aaradhyaa.blog 